So many times, we have one member of a group turning to another one and saying, “Are you a Twat?” You were told about the dangers of having your money/camera/bag stolen, why were you so stupid? So please, do not let yourself be this person. Do not use a wallet, the bad guys see you using it in a shop or bar, and the next time you are in a crowd they take it out of your pocket before you even notice. If you are carrying money, keep it in your sock or in your bra and only have a few small notes in your pocket. Do not carry your passport with you in the streets and always have a photocopy of it in the bottom of your rucksack. If you are carrying a camera or similar with you, always have it tied to your body. Do not take a mobile with you unless you have it well hidden, even then expect to lose it so have a cheap phone to use for the fiesta. Do not carry credit cards etc in the streets, use a money belt or something similar. Even although we tell people again and again about these dangers, people still do not listen, so do not be a fuck-wit, do not get your wallet stolen! Remember keep your money in your socks or in your bra, you can see in the picture here that this young girl has spent all her money, but I am sure somebody would have bought her a drink.

There is also another sort of Twat that we get every couple of years who is part of our group. We try to warn off people who we do not think would be suited to the party life with the our gang. In fact we think that our website is designed to try and suggest the type of party atmosphere we encourage in our group. We  believe that the fiesta at Pamplona is one of the most fun times in the world and we help everybody in our group to have a good time. We try to inform people beforehand with a number of newsletters delivered in a comic style about what to expect during the fiesta. By doing this we hope to avoid Twats mistakenly booking with us instead of joining some choirboy tour. Because what happens after the fiesta.... the Twat then complains all over the internet about the drunken parties and then goes on to moan about some minor issue which he did not mention to anybody at the time and only afterwards does he bring it up to add to his moans about there being too much wild partying. So yet again in this short note, I am going to try to avoid this happening. I am going to make a Twat check list so that if people moan I can refer them back to this list and therefore point out that they are just being a Twat!


No 1. If there is any bit of information you want, questions you have about the fiesta, or things you are unsure about, the email me your questions and we will do our best to answer them. If you have not asked about something do not moan afterwards that you were not told, if you do then your are a Twat!

No 2. If there is some problem that occurs in Pamplona, and it can happen, there is a lot of drunken people around and mistakes can be made e.g. a room not prepped etc. Then tell us and we can sort it, immediately, communication is the key, we have the staff and the knowhow to get things sorted. The same goes if anything is broken, tell us, even if it is your group that has done it. Then we can fix things. Sometimes a group has just left and there is a problem with something because they have damaged something and we don’t know about it. However if you tell us we can get it sorted. If you do not tell us (and I mean a manager) then we can not fix what we do not know about. So if you do not tell us and complain after the fiesta then you are a Twat.

No 3. We send out lots of newsletters with important information about the fiesta and how we operate and what our accommodation is like. If you do not pass on these newsletters and the important information to the rest of your group (or supply us with their emails to add to our mailing list) and they then miss out on an event or find things are not what they thought it would be like. Then it is not really their fault it is yours and you are a Twat and if they then complain afterwards then they are also Twats.

No 4. Pamplona is not by the sea, there is no beach and we do not stay in Villas with swimming pools. (We sometimes get this situation.) If you think this is the case then you certainly are a Twat.

No 5. We tell everybody to take their own towels, so when you turn up with out one between 5 of you then you are all Twats.

No 6. We send out the location of where you have to go, iand we also send you guys out a map. So when you phone up and say “I am at the station, where do I go?” Then you are a Twat, you can get let off by this one by saying “I am sorry I have lost the map and the address but I am buying you guys a bottle of Gin and dropping it off  shortly” then you will be forgiven and will not be considered a Twat. In fact many of you should pack a Gin bottle for us as a sort of get out of jail free card incase any of your behaviour turns slightly twatish during your stay.

No 7. Make sure you get the dates you have booked correct, sometimes we have people turn up at the wrong time or date and it is only when we show them the email trail that they realise their mistake. The same goes for check in times, you normally check in during the afternoon but if for some reason this is difficult them we must make arrangements beforehand. Do not just assume you can rock up early morning or late at night, if you do so then you are a Twat. We always ask for estimated times of arrival so we can keep things as organised as possible.

No 8. Go with the flow! Sometimes if a huge number of people arrive at once of there has been a problem with keys (Spanish keys are a nightmare and when we get Twats running off with them as well then we sometimes have bottlenecks.) So just chill out in a bar close by and we will get things sorted. So if you run off with our Keys you are a Twat. The locks in Pamplona are sometimes problematic especially the downstair ones as they service many apartments and have many people using them so inevitably they sometimes get slightly dodgy so just learn the trick to open and close them, with the door open.

No 9. Book to go on the walk through of the course with our expert runners, they know what they are talking about, they have run many times and in fact are a bit of bull running geeks who spend half their lives discussing running with the bulls. If you have a question for them they will do their best to answer it. You will probably run in to them later at the drinks parties, so you might have the chance to ask them more. Their advice is well thought out, their stories and explanations are designed to make you think, “Do I really want to run, or will I watch first” If you are standing drunkenly shouting silly remarks then you are definitely a Twat. If you moan after the fiesta that the bull run was not that dangerous and what the experts said was rubbish they you are also a Twat. The bull run is dangerous and just because you ran somewhere and hardly saw the bulls in a nice clean run does not mean it is not dangerous.

No 10. If you complain about this website saying it is rude. That there are some naked body parts on show or it is slightly trashy. Or that we should not send out funny newsletters, then if you then book up with us then you are a Twat. If you don’t like the newsletters then email us and we will take you off the mailing list. If you do not like the website, fair enough but it is intended to show what a wild place Pamplona and the fiesta is. We do our best to have like minded people in our group and that is another reason we keep it small in size. 

Extra Special Twats

In the last couple of years we have been successful in keeping the Twats out of our group but a couple of years ago we encountered a Super-Twat, somebody who does not even come into our 10 point coverage of Twats. For a start she was totally unsuited to going to the fiesta. She did not drink and did not like the fact that there were people drinking in the streets, she also refused to take our newsletters with advice etc. She did not book accommodation just 4 sets of balconies and some of our top bullfight tickets (tickets she thought was fantastic) however she kept turning up to the balconies an hour too early at 6 am when all our guys were still asleep. She got all her balcony views, but they has conducted a vicious and malicious online hate campaign with her very own childish website.

This was over four years ago and she is still at it using multiple identities and trying to rehash another Twat’s view from 7 years ago. Her activities are a right pain in the ass and she is a Super-Twat ! Unfortunately I do not have an address for her, otherwise I would have taken her to court years ago!



Yes It Could Be You